Hi, you are incredibly strong to survive childhood abuse and still be in a position to provide a loving childhood to your child. I related to your confusion about silence so very well. I think as kids our coping mechanisms deceive us. They kept us safe in an unstable environment. But, as adults, in a normal world, those same coping mechanisms prevent us from find happiness. Is this where you were heading with your questions at the end?
Great piece! Much love for you and your story!