Mommy Triggers on Mother’s Day

The greatest test of mom’s patience starts at toddlerhood.

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  • I pride myself on being patient, loving and kind to him even when I’m completely emotional depleted.

But, lately, I find myself triggered by his behaviors.

Each time, when I’m at my wit’s end, I scream at him. It kills me. He’s such an empathetic child. He will literally walk over to me and give me a hug after I screamed at him.

I taught him well by modeling empathy. I don’t want to undo all my efforts.

It all started when he became extremely rigid with his activities. I had him evaluated by early intervention to make sure he wasn’t on the autism spectrum. Then, I worked with him diligently to snap him out of any and all activities that seem to occur in a loop.

This took 2 years.

There were days when I literally felt like I should just let him pursue his obsessions. But, I know better. The better part of me always goes with my mother’s instinct.

  • Mommy has to sit exactly on the spot I tell her to sit.
  • Mommy cannot move while I’m playing.
  • When we play, I have to tell mommy exactly where to put her block.
  • When mommy eats, I have to tell mommy exactly what to eat, how and when.
  • When mommy asks me any question, I say “no” every time.

I felt like I was living with a hamster on a wheel.

Later last night, after I finally got up the nerve to scream at him to stop him from jumping off every single piece of furniture that was safe to jump off of, I held him for a long time.

We have to hold it all together all the time. It’s exhausting.

I’ve yet to cry in front of my child. But, if I do, I don’t see any harm in it. Mothers are human beings too. There’s a limit to our patience that parenthood seems to test everyday.

I just let it out and explained my feelings to him.

That is all a mother can do. Mothers can’t be perfect. Mothers can’t be super. Mother can’t be loving all the time. But, mothers can be real. Mothers can be honest. Mothers can communicate.

Mothers can be human beings.

On this mother’s day, I will try my best to hold it together. If I’m not successful, then so be it. I will just hold my child and let him know that his mother’s not perfect. His mother’s human. He will understand that, at the very least, I tried my best.

Writer, Technologist: Tech|Future|Leadership (Forbes-AI, Behind the Code)

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