Sorry about your divorce but I feel like you are talking about "spiritual growth" for yourself in a way. I've seen relationships with "good enough" people wither. It's needless heart break when both people should gladly walk away feeling like they both can find better people to spend their life with. We only get one life. You are right about "congruence". It's hard to believe in "congruence" when you've never experienced it, (in friendships, in connections, in family members). But, when you have experienced in real life outside of your romantic relationship, you will be able to recognize it and believe it. That's the issue with most people I think, they often don't really understand what congruence actually means, and how it enables people to weather down turns.