Yes, true narcissists are really hard to find. I questioned that my parents had NPD as a disorder for many many years. But, I think there’s a line that people cross.
As a victim, the constant gaslighting since childhood and the emotional strain of covert incest carried into adulthood was what made me suspect real NPD in my parents (not just my father).
As I talk about it more, I feel gaslighted every step of the way because people don’t believe it until you really do the research to validate your experiences.
The magnitude of what you experience is the true tell-tale sign. In my case, it almost made me have personality disorders of my own. I felt I was on the verge of going crazy. Thankfully (in a wierd way), there were crazy incidents of events occuring in my life (tracing to source to controlling behavior of my parents) that made me start on the journey of recovery. This is when I researched every detail of it.
Thanks for reading.