You bring a great argument to this article. I know what you are thinking. I think the distinction is when the parent (in case my father) brings me into his relationship with my mother. Then, relates to me as if I were my mother. This confuses my mother (who is in an emotional abusive relationship with my father). This also makes my mother hate me. This then strengthens the narcissist (in this case my father)’s grip on both my mother and I. It’s a kind of triagulation that my father used again and again. That triangulation (repeated over the years) results in my feelings of being (emotionally raped).

My mother’s relationship with my father only got a lot better when I left their home because of this dynamic. But, she didn’t stop hating me for many years after.

There’s a strong line of what’s healthy and what is not in Covert Incest.

I understand the litigation perspective on this. But, in my case, my parents will never be persecuted in this lifetime. The experiences I endured as a child and an adult is simply my own. I learned to process it through writing.

If this article makes people think about the effects they have (emotionally) on their child, then that’s great.

Btw, I have a son and I’m a single mom. Many times, I wonder if I place unhealthy emotional boundaries on our relationship. The wondering of this will allow me to examine my own actions and consciously not step over the line.

That is what this article is all about. It’s about understanding something that was deemed the norm in certain cultures that causes tremendous ills to the victims’s emotional life (later on). Unfortunately, one of the unhealthy result of this is “overachievement”. This is why in certain cultures, this type of behavior is tauted as a strategy to parent overachieving children. That is why this type of behavior must be stopped. In the name of bringing up “overachieving child”, are you willing to damage the child’s emotional boundaries so that they can’t function as emotionally healthy adults? That is the choice many parents subconsciously make.

By understanding it, parents can mindfully make that choice. That is what this article is about. I was trying to give the whole picture (maybe I can write it with more detail) so that parents can make mindfully aware choices in their relationship with their children and not do what just “feels good” at the moment.

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Writer, Technologist: Tech|Future|Leadership (Forbes-AI, Behind the Code)

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